maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
being pregnant is like rehab
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
