yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
