I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
third nipple confirmed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
