I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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