im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
