giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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