Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
