Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
