I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
