the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
