I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
