I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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