The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
