Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry about my life...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
