$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
