Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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