SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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