Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
