thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
