I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
