Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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