I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
