when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
