Apparently you make a good broom.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
