You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
