dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
