I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
