Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
