Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
