i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
