Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
