i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Good thing I've started drinking again
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.