I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
