She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.