I love black thongs
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.