I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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