ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.