I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it's like iHOP with fire
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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