Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we're so committed to being not committed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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