The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
