He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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