Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize