So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
