why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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