I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
