Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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