The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize