You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
