Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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