What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
