Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
