I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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