I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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