Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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