I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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