I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
