none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
