There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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