took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
