Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
