Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
