Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
