i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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