Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
