so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
