i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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