Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
