is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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