apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
