Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
