it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
