So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
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He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
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Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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