I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
