12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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