You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We need a shit load of segways right now
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
