party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
