Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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